originally posted November 2, 2010

Oh my, does this girl need a purpose.  As much as I whimper and whine about boundaries and to-do lists, I have come to realize a hard lesson: I so need a goal to get through the day.

Not some esoteric, super-spiritual, “glorify God” goal (though sometimes that does keep me out of trouble).  I need something more concrete, like: seeing the top of my desk by the end of the week.

Without something as basic as this, well, I am in a position where the top of my desk is like the equator: I know it is there, but could not tell you what it looks like.  In fact, I spilled soda on my desk today, and all it touched was paper.  Sigh.

I need a goal.

I have been aiming, well, not aiming, at nothing, adrift in the days’ demands without a direction to go.  And it shows.

My office is a disaster.  My kitchen is a disaster.  (Nicely, my spare room looks fantastic!  But that may very well be because I haven’t been in there recently.)

My to-do lists have not been done.  And I think it is because deep inside I long for purpose.  Even if the purpose is simply finding my desk, it is purpose.  It is measurable, and there is success when it is met.  Simple to-do lists simply get tossed out when they are done.  Where is the victory in that?

I want visible, actual, sustainable victory.

And as I wax poetic about the top of my desk, I realize, I was the same in my spiritual life.  I tire of esoteric, super-spiritual debates when the only purpose is debate.  Don’t get me wrong, I can verbally spar with the best of them, but if that sparring ends with a period and a handshake rather than a transformed life, what’s the point?

I sat in training for work, training on suicide intervention strategies.  And the basis of the training, I learned in childhood Sunday school: be kind to others, listen when they speak, don’t be afraid to ask hard questions, don’t judge another person, connect people with resources to help them.

Yes, worldwide brilliance, millions trained in this particular technique, and the basis of it is exactly what God has been proclaiming since the beginning of time.

I have learned more from reading and applying scripture to my life than any classroom can ever teach me.  I know this, because all of the best theories in leadership, communication, education, and counseling can be rooted in the very Word of God.  I know, because I have studied them.  A bachelor’s, master’s, and Ph.D. later, and everything I ever really needed to know I learned by the Word of God.

photo by Andrea Jaccarino

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