The last couple of days have revealed something…shattering, in a good way. I have been grieving. Without knowing it, I grieved a loss from years ago in the slowest way possible. Denial, deal-making, anger, and acceptance.
As the wave crashed from anger to acceptance, I could finally see the grief pattern and recognize the anger for what it really was: hurt.
Hurt hides the full picture, holding fast the memories of pain tight that I might fight off any thought of reconciliation. But He breaks through. A box-cleaning tonight uncovers old letters, the sweet memories laid bare, undeniable in their love. My hurt-based anger could not live under the undeniable spotlight: I was noticed; I made him proud; I was cared for deeply.
As the last vestiges of hurt melt away, the grief stage of acceptance sinks in a little deeper. Like deep lotion for the soul, the whole truth is revealed. Yes, there was pain in the end. But there was so much sweet, precious care before that.
Though I know not what comes, I know the One Who directs my path. In accepting loss, I accept Him again. Without the hurt clouding my vision, I see His leading, His care, His smile. i know not what He brings, but I take His hand and trust Him to lead the way.